Rory Callaghan is the founder and chief visionary for the Selfcare.Global ecosystem and movement. The first SelfCare podcast is a heart ti heart conversation so that you can feel the intention of what is really behind all of this.
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Karolyn (interviwer) : (00:12)
Alrighty. So today's episode of the courageous leaders podcast.
We have a special guest Rory Callaghan. He is an Integrated health professional who has been living in Bali for a number of years, living the dream with this lifestyle business. He has a passion for lifestyle medicine. He's super passionate about all things, SelfCare, because of his own personal journey and learning the true value of health. Bringing his vision to life. So, I'm super excited for you to meet Rory here. He has an incredible story. And let's see where we go. Thanks, Rory.
Rory (Guest): (00:52)
No worries. Thank you. Thank you for having me.
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Kaz: (00:55) What makes you feel alive?
Well, Bali looks beautiful. We are filming this in the COVID pandemic. So it's a bit of a unique scenario. So I'd love to know, first of all,
what makes you feel alive?
Rory: (01:12) What makes me feel alive?
That's a really beautiful question.
I think the thing that makes me feel alive is connection. I think, there's some internal sense of internal drive to, to give, to share, to circulate something that gets me out of bed in the morning. Passion, purpose, ikigai, or whatever you want to call it. That makes me feel alive.
Also new experiences. I love to travel. I think that's something that probably taught me more than any master's degree or any shelf help book ever could've and just experiencing things for what they are. I think it just, it brings me alive because it's not a borrowed truth. It's something that I've seen and felt myself. I think the feeling of that is what makes it alive, whereas everything else is kind of borrowed.
Rory: (02:11) Playing outside the comfort zone
For me that's surfing, big waves, getting outside my comfort zone, playing in the unknown zone, and seeing how long I can stay out there and can keep having fun. Also testing how a resilient I am. Experiences outside my comfort zone make me feel alive.
Without pushing it too far, because I do have a lot of adventure and, euphoria based athletes who keep pushing the boundaries... skydiving and so on. And they can push the boundaries too fast. I value my health and wellbeing and I value being alive as well! I'm mindful of my limits.
I think that euphoria can make me feel alive, doing things that other people haven't done. It's also something that makes me feel present as well.
Kaz: (03:01) Experience is the best teacher
I thought you were definitely gonna say surfing. I was waiting for it. I'm like this guy who loves surfing, but, loves connection, purpose, and travel. Beautiful. And I really resonate. Life experience is the best teacher over any book or degree. We can both say that. And actually being immersed in the experience, the, the job training shows you more like the learning, the failures, the successes teach you more than an exam.
Rory: (03:38) What have you always wanted to do or be?
I pose the question to the audience, and anyone listening as well.
What's something that you've always wanted to do, but haven't had the courage to pull the trigger on?
I guess all the education and all the self-help books, all the self-development courses and programs, they're just kind of gearing you up to get to a point where you really step into doing what you love and being courageous enough to step outside your comfort zone.
The reason I asked that question is that if anyone else is listening and there is something that you want to do, just imagine what it would take to pull the trigger .... to buy the one-way ticket. As soon as you actually take that action and you put all that learning and knowledge into motion, into an action-based dynamic, all of a sudden you start to embody the things you to know to be true.
Rory: (04:25) Synchronicity through action
Then the ripple effect just happens. As if synchronous and magic.
Travel is medicine travel, it's new experiences and it's courage over fear.
It's something beautiful, but at the same time, it's, it's literally just changing environment and environment is medicine, new experiences are medicine.
So I dunno, I just want to challenge anyone out there in a very positive and gentle, disruptive way just to pull the trigger on something that you really want to do. And know that you don't need to read the four-hour workweek to understand that you can do what you love, you can delegate, and you can be part of this shared and circular economy.
I think we all can, from any context, any geographical or cultural background...pull the trigger and step into that now, even in this isolation. I think it's a beautiful opportunity to really assess and cast the vision for what the ideal future life, day and lifestyle could be for any of us.
Kaz: (05:15) What was my call to courage?
Well said. Thank you for encouraging our audience to ask themselves quality questions and get curious. It's where the magic happens. Right,
I would love to know about your call to courage.
I believe we all experience these highs and lows, adversity to victory, and I know I would love you to share some of your journey that allowed you to step out of your comfort zone. Moving to Bali, creating your incredible lifestyle business, going after your purpose, getting in touch with self-care and even living that purpose.
Rory: (05:58) A journey of breaking points
What was that breaking point that allowed you to really step into that?
I think it's a journey, of breaking points. It's a journey of celebration and desperation. That's life.
I think over my lifetime, I was born in Fremantle with a single mother who worked her butt off and taught me this beautiful work ethic, but it also meant that she wasn't around because she had to make money to pay the bills.
So that my brother and I had every opportunity we could have in life. Even though we were living in scarcity within the context of the communities that we lived in. I became aware that we were living in abundance and, to be born in Australia was to have access to a golden passport. Even having the opportunity to education was a gift that many children globally still don't get access to.
I still remember my year four teacher, she was probably a big shining light in my life who just inspired me that I could be more and do more.
Rory (06:50) Inspired or desperate?
And it's kind of interesting when I think about that. There are moments of inspiration, moments of desperation, but for the most part, I think my year four teacher inspiring me at a pivotal moment in my life was a big turning point. She saw past my behavioural issues and believed in me.
My mum is the hero of my story. When I was like 16 or 17, just before I put in my exam credentials for what I wanted to do at university, she sat me down and she was like, Rors, what makes you happy? Not what do you want to be? Or what do you want to do? It wasn't like that. It was what makes you happy?
She connected my sense of purpose to a feeling. Just think about that. If you connected what you do, to a feeling, eg. what makes you feel good? What makes you come alive, what gives you the exciting butterflies in your stomach, what gets you out of bed in the morning that makes you excited to jump on a podcast with Kaz even in the isolation, to show up and share that message.
Rory: (07:36) What makes you happy?
What is something that evokes that feeling? And for me, she sat down and she asked me some really beautiful questions
I started to consider and think/feel for myself... what does make me happy? I was really curious about the human body. I played sport. I wanted to be a better athlete.
My mind was tuned into like fixing things. I love to like break things down and build them back up. And, so I thought I wanted to be an engineer because that was the thing. Right.
But, my mum worked with engineers and she said, well, do you you want to work 12 or 14 hour days? do you want to work on the oil rigs or mines? Do you want to do this type of stuff? Is that the type of lifestyle that you want to live?
And I was like, no, not really. I'd seen two of the engineers that she was working with that had broken marriages and were getting divorced. That wasn't the definition of success for me. That's not the feeling that I want to chase or I want to work toward. It was such a powerful, powerful question.
It's the John Lennon question, you know, what makes you happy?
What a great mum
Rory: (08:38) My mum is the hero of my story
Yeah, she is. She travelled the world and was one of the first air hostesses in Australia, on AAA. This allowed her to see the world at a young age too. Something she was inspired to show her children one day.
Mum had me at 44, she met my dad who was 27. So it was this Cougar like relationship, you know, they had sex under the tree in our front yard. And then like magic nine months later I was born. Lol.
The one really key lesson that called me to courage, was to do what I love and then continue it over my lifespan.
I also grew up with an absent father. There were moments when I saw my dad, living homeless on the streets where I grew up, in Fremantle. He suffered from mental health issues, using alcohol to escape his mind. He used alcohol to numb the pain.
Later in life, he told me this. Seeing his journey helped me really understand mental health issues, alcoholism and what led people to be homeless and not feel worthy of help., support or even love.
Rory: (09:27) Seeing my dad living homeless on the streets
I went to school at CBC in Fremantle, it was the cheapest one, but mum wanted me to go there because it'd give me discipline and give me some male role models in my life.. She made the right decision.
I remember walking to school one morning and I see this, this guy curled up in the corner of the path with a beer bottle next to him. My buddies and I were making a joke and just kinda pointed this out. All of a sudden I had this gut-wrenching moment where I was like, shit, that's my dad.
I just remember, this as a huge moment of courage, right? You talk about courage. I had two to two clear options
- walk on by and pretend he doesn't exist or
- walk over and acknowledge the man that gave me life.
What would you have done?
Rory: (10:08) My dad taught me empathy
I remember in that moment, something pivotal happened in my heart. Even now it gets me to my core. It always makes me feel like I want to tear up.
I walked over and just put my hand on his shoulder. And I said, Hey, Dad. He looked up in a daze and I just remember that moment. And it was nothing more than that. He was completely out of it and this wasn't the first time I'd seen him like this. There were many other times as well. That moment taught me empathy. It taught me compassion. The way my mom treated my father, and the way she spoke of him as such a beautiful artist. Never a homeless, drunk. That was a special lesson in my life. It was the essence of being human. To my mum's credit, she rarely talked about a man with mental health issues and things like that. So that moment was a moment of courage. I could have easily walked on by, embarrassed. But, my heart led me to acknowledge him, to stop and see if he was ok.
Rory: (10:47) Dream job, but not my dream life
The next moment of courage was when I was about 26 and I'd finished five and a half, or nearly six years of university studies. I had a bachelor's degree from UWA in sports science and a master's degree in physiotherapy from Curtin University.
I extracted DNA onto a stick and dissected human bodies. I thought I knew a thing or two about the human body. I felt like I was very knowledgeable. I had access to some world-class professors and mentors. Leading pain specialists like Max Zusman, who was cited in over 50,000 articles. I left university with false confidence. I started applying that knowledge to the athlete world, working as a senior physio for the football team that I grew up playing for. East Fremantle Football Club "Shark Park".
Rory: (11:31) 3 key questions to self.
I got to the point where I was working a hundred hours a week.
I took mom's work ethic and applied it to my passion and job. I thought that the path to "success". Until I woke up one morning at 26 and I was just burnt out and couldn't get out of bed. I pressed the alarm clock six times that morning. I had about 15 missed calls from my practice manager.
I just remember just laying there like an iPhone battery on 1%. As soon as I went to get up, I turned off. I just knew at that moment, I was in a point of desperation,
So, I asked myself three questions and, today, I always ask people this too.
Am I happy? And when I asked myself, I knew I could mentally answer and create these beautiful rules for why I was or should be happy. But when I really sat back and was like, are you really happy? I realised that I hadn't smiled. I hadn't even laughed in six months.
Am I healthy? Again, I said, no, I couldn't even get out of bed. I was a health professional that lost his health. I felt so incongruent. Even with all the knowledge, It had led me to this point. I knew I was missing something.
Did feel connected? I also answered no. I felt disconnected from myself. Disconnected from my passion and purpose. I felt disconnected from my partner at the time and my family. I hadn't had the time to see my friends. Hadn't been on a surf trip in four years, even though that was the thing I love to do. All of this truth and honesty with myself really shifted me. So, I started to reassess and reevaluate the world. This is when everything changed. It took pain and desperation to wake me up. I had been sleepwalking at the wheel for too long. Ignoring all the signals and symptoms. Chasing "success" at the expense of the things that really mattered.
Rory: (12:53) We all feel pain in different ways on different days.
It was a crucial pause in my life.
Fast-forwarding to 32 in 2020, I realised that these painful and courageous moments helped me shift everything. Today, I feel like we're having a global pause where everyone gets the opportunity to really reassess reevaluate.
I feel like this point of desperation is going to create some really cool things too. As an example after the GFC in 2008, this is when Airbnb, Uber and the shared economies/circular economies were created. Blockchain for a balanced, transparent financial ledger was given to the world anonymously. All these solutions were created from pain and desperation for change.
So I get the feeling that we need, these points of pain/desperation personally, and collectively to create shifts, change and pivots. It doesn't need to be a massive one either. I still love health and wellbeing. I still want to serve and help people. I still want to connect. I still want to empower people through a self-care revolution. I still believe in all of that, but I just want to do it in a different way.
I want to do it from a place where I'm living the lifestyle that I want to inspire people to live in the context of their own lives, time, free location free, maybe with their family. Maybe with their partner or friends. Doing what they love every single day.
Maybe it's in Bali, perhaps it's back in Melbourne. Perhaps you've got this beautiful house, a tiny home or a beautiful unit in an awesome community. Where each day you are contributing to your local community in a way that is meaningful to you. Whatever it looks like, it's personal and It's different for all of us. Which is great, too! It's what makes the world exciting and unique.
We aren't simply here to pay bills and die, as my mum says.
Rory: (14:11) Embodiment and truth
The point is, I realized that I couldn't be a health professional that didn't have my health. I couldn't be an isolated and disconnected health professional knowing that connection is the key to longevity.
I knew that I couldn't be a health professional that was unhappy. Happiness is the reason we live. We all want to have those blissful moments.
The more of them I have, the more I know I'm on the right path. It's a feeling and it's not the purpose of life. "to be happy all the time". But we can find harmony, peace and bliss in any moment. It's an energy. Pain and pleasure are both guides that align us back to our own sense of har harmony within. It starts with a whisper, then a tap on the shoulder and then a baseball bat. Until we finally hear the message and course correct.
At 26, I hadn't felt anything for a long time. I could go out and have fun, drinks on a Friday night with mates. But, I wasn't living, I was suppressing, avoiding, and numbing my reality..
Again, the pain has been my biggest call to courage and motivator to change or course correct. I don't believe that pain is a negative emotion either. I don't believe any feelings are positive or negative. They are energetic signals that need to be felt and allowed to flow through us like water. Every feeling is valid. However, now I know what bliss and harmony feels like. I have experienced those moments of inner peace. I have felt the depths of pain, multiple times, from multiple events. I have experienced euphoria, pleasure, joy and excitement.
I guess this is what it means to truly live. To feel more and suppress less. And most importantly to listen. To our body, it's innate wisdom. To listen to the whispers of the universe and that little voice inside ourselves. Or we can be swept up in the noise, busy being busy, avoiding, distracting, suppressing and numbing. Waking up at 50, wondering where my life has gone. I never wanted that. That was my biggest fear and I knew that it only took 10 seconds of courage to change and overcome any fear.
So I did, and still. do to this day. I hope people really get this for themselves. We all have the power to change, course correct and find harmony again.
Oh, I love that. So many valuable lessons. I really touched my heart talking about your dad and also your mum.
Kaz: (14:53) Feeling is healing
Going from burnout to asking what do I really need? What do I really want? is powerful.
I feel that its all about connecting with our own feelings, in any moment. To pause. If we sit with that, we may find that feeling is healing.
If we don't feel our emotions, there's no true healing. Well for me, that's been the path to the greatest healing. To feel my emotions and sit with the lower vibrations of pain, anger, shame, and then be able to go to courage and then transcend and feel the bliss, the love, the joy, et cetera.
Exactly. Exactly. I love it.
Kaz: (15:37) SelfCare and Lifestyle Medicine
So selfcare is your jam. Tell us a bit about it. You go really deep on this, you've studied the blue zones, centenarians, and longevity hot spots. You've studied how to move from stress to bliss and harmony. Tell us, some of your favourite self-care practices and also what shifted your curiosity to really dive deep in this topic? Of SelfCare and Lifestyle Medicine?
Rory: (16:05) We teach what we most need to learn ourselves
Hmm. Well, the journey really started with the idea that "we all teach what we most need to learn ourselves". I didn't grow up on an organic farm. I didn't grow up with a well-connected community or tribal family. All my family lived in Melbourne, right. So I just grew up within the context of my life. My luck of birthright.
SelfCare became something that I had to learn.
As an athlete, I wanted to learn how to perform better. And then I broke down and got stress fractures. So then I wanted to learn how to fix my body. So I became a physio and then I burnt out. From here I really tuned into the natural world, food as medicine, community and connection as medicine. Then I tuned into my time and saw it as my most valuable resource.
Rory: (16:43) How can we impact "one to many"
All of a sudden I started seeking & chasing things that freed my time, rather than things that traded my time. I looked for ways to have a bigger impact. I realized that one-to-one, I could only impact so many people, but one to many, I was like, Whoa, how can we do that? How can I help that person help 10 people? How can I tune into technology or systems that create a ripple effect os positive change. Impacting people that I might not ever even know or get a chance to meet?
I think this was where the idea of the SelfCare Learning Ecosystem was founded. But, I knew I had to go first. So I went on my own selfcare journey, I learned how to fill my own cup. I learned how to serve from overflow.
Once I arrived in a state of harmony, good health and inner peace. I kind of sat back and I was like, that's cool for you Rors, but what about everyone else?
And I just remember, I had this moment. I will use the analogy of Alice in Wonderland. I felt like I had just climbed out of this rabbit hole that I feared thought I was never going to escape from. I'd been down there for like two or three years, spent a hundred thousand dollars trying to buy my health back. I'd seen the best of the best, the experts, the gurus, the wizards, you know, all the people healers I could access. I bought the elephant pants in ubud and did ecstatic dance.
I tuned into every single modality that I could access or get my hands on. I even looked at all the ancient texts. Seeking wisdom, even in religion. I was looking at the Quran, the bible, Buddhist texts and even quantum physics and M theory. I went deep and wide. Until I realised that the human mind is good at making the complex more complex. Until I saw patterns, and it all became really simple. It was if it was all hidden in plain sight. I felt like we were all distracted from our hearts, with "noise" designed to hijack our minds. Creating confusion, disconnection and more problems. Even with good intentions.
'I also started to see the agendas, inconsistencies and "profits before people" in our healthcare systems. I knew we had to flip this back to "people over profits". I knew that a bad system always beats good people in the end. I also knew that I couldn't be part of the problem and the solution at the same time. So I left the traditional healthcare system, to help co-create a new system that would make outdated models obsolete.
Rory: (17:59) Choice.
I realised it had always been my choice. And, the moment that I realized that I was the author of my story, I could cast the vision for the type of person I want to be.
The moment I realized that there's an athlete in the Paralympics with no arms and no legs swimming 50 meters down the pool, whilst 4 billion were afraid of water and swimming. Due to a fear of drowning.
I realised that we all had the ability to ignite our human potential. The only limiting factor was me.
It made me realize that self-care started with radical responsibility and self-ownership. For me, it took a man in the mirror moment. For others a woman or a human in the mirror moment, where we look at ourselves and decide that we've got no one left to blame. We have no more energy to play the victim. It was just me vs me. Me, versus the person I was yesterday. No comparison, no perfection. From here I believed deep down that I could change my story. So I did.
Rory (18:42) The vision was cast.
So, I cast the vision for a different future.
A good friend of mine asked me a great question at the right time. She said what's your ideal day?
I couldn't stop thinking about it and writing it down. Scripting. positive future vision and new direction for my life. Once I did, I synchronously started finding solutions that helped me start living my ideal day in an unrestricted way. Truly free to be.
I cast the vision. to live in Bali, surfing, driving down to my favourite little surf break with my dog and my partner on the scooter. I didn't even have my partner yet. I just kind of scripted the type of person that she would be in terms of character, integrity and values. I imagined what it would FEEL like. And then I'd go surf, I'd come back, maybe grab a juice from one of my favorite cafes, come home, do purpose-based work. Right? So all these things, this is where the self-care journey started. It started with a pain point, going first and casting a vision for my ideal day, in my own unique way.
Something I hope everyone takes the time to do one day.
Rory (19:20) From ME to WE
Going back to the rabbit hole, after I climbed out I remember standing on the edge, like that Alice in Wonderland moment. Looking back down the hole i just climbed out of in the last 2 years. I saw that my friends and family were still down there. I wasn't the only one suffering. I wasn't the only one that wasn't happy, didn't feel healthy and didn't feel connected.
And I guess that's where something within me just said, well, it's no longer about you. What about everyone else? It moved from ME to WE.
I started to acknowledge all the people that helped me get to the point where I was.
I realized it took a village to raise me as a child and it took a community to heal the sick.
This is when I realised the ripple effect. I was now called to pay that support forward, in the same way that my mom, dad, mentors, coaches, friends and strangers had been there for me.
Rory: (19:59) The Calling
And I just felt a calling to create a framework, like a ladder, or matrix, so that people had the scaffolding to crawl out of the rabbit hole in their own time.
From here, I just became really inspired to help anyone that was willing and coachable to show up, anywhere, anytime, and just share the message.
Rory: (20:31) SelfCare Rituals
Selfcare is thrown around a bit, from what bubble bath do you do to like, to skincare and beauty routines. We all know it's a lot deeper than that.
The framework came down to 12 medicines. It's not exclusive, it's a grey scale, an adaptable and changing matrix. Like the tensegrity model.
As an example, there's so much depth to FOOD as medicine. So much depth to the MIND as medicine. And once we take the mind out of the equation, we start thinking about emotions, we start thinking energy, quantum physics, the unknown, faith and spirituality. There's just so much to be explored. But, so much simplicity too. I chose 12 medicines to help guide the self-exploration.
As an example, you can go check out the miracle morning by Hal Elrod. You can tune into Robin Sharma and the 5:00 AM club. In the end, It's all about just winning your morning, so you can win each day. 1% at a time.
I created a 30-60 minute morning routine that can fit into any lifestyle. And split it into three key actions. Knowing that action negates negative emotion. Plus building by 1% a day for 12 months results in a 37x growth from where anyone stands.
- Mind - eg morning podcast or journalling
- Movement - motion is lotion, a walk at the beach, run, surf, home workout
- Food and nourishment. - hydrate, saturate with mostly plants, smoothy bowl, breathe and oxygenate.
And, connection. Doing it with a partner, friend or group always makes. more fun and increases accountability/compliance.
We can honour who we are, and where we stand, whilst choosing who we want to be next.
Rory: (22:21) The disconnect. Profits over People. Healthcare is a business first, people second. We need to change that.
As a health professional, I was always banging my head up against the wall.
Each person had to come to see me, to be fixed. Which didn't seem like the right way forward. I wanted people to see me to be empowered/reminded and guided back to their own sense of harmony. So that they can live without restriction, dysfunction or dis-ease. Even been referred to and nourished by an allied health community with a similar ethos. Where eventually we all become progressively redundant from their care. As the "person" becomes actively empowered in their own journey.
I had some really beautiful mentors in my life that said the best thing that I can do for a patient is get to a point where they no longer need to come back. Something my bosses didn't agree with. They wanted repeat customers.
That's when I realised healthcare was a business first, patients second.
My role is then to guide, to support, to remind them of the innate wisdom, not to replace it, not to, not to get them into some business plan or some 12 weeks, 12-month course or something like that.
My rolled would be to remind them of their innate wisdom to heal and regenerate what is already there. I feel that this was the most powerful point and realisation.
If you think about a flower or any plant, genetically we share 20- 70% of the same genetic building blocks as most of the plants out in the world, right?
20 out of the 25 elemental building blocks (CHNOPS) that make up plants are also the same ones used in our human body. Just in a different configuration.
The soil, plants, animals, water and air we consume each day is where we get the building blocks to regenerate our body, right?
With a flower, if it's not blossoming and blooming in the way that nature intended. And this is a beautiful question for anyone that's listening. What do you do? How do you help a flower blossom?
Kaz: (23:30) Nourish it.
Water It, give it sunlight. Nourish it. Put it near bees.
Rory: (23:39) Fix the flower, or find nourishing environments in which to grow?
Exactly. However modern medicine's attitude is to "fix the flower", medicate it, and intervene to fix it. However, a simple farmer knows that in order to help a flower blossom, you have to fix the environment in which it is trying to grow. Not the flower.
Humans are like flowers, except that we can choose to change our environment. So, If you're in a work environment that doesn't serve you. In a home environment that doesn't nourish you. If you're in a relationship that doesn't serve you. Culturally, if you're in an environment that doesn't serve you or may even suppress you. Socially, if you're surrounding yourself with five people that are really low vibing and entertain victimization and gossip.
- It's okay to shift and change any of these environments, seeking nourishment.
- It's ok to explore and seek to be in environments that make you feel like anything's possible.
- It's ok to be around people who elevate and inspire you.
- It's ok to nourish yourself with any tools or rituals and make you feel like you're in your highest vibration too. As you start tuning the 12 universal laws, like that of attraction, vibration and energy transfer.
Rory: (24:33) The Simplicity of SelfCare & Lifestyle Medicine
We just need to come back to the three rituals in the morning. Simple habits that nourish and elevate our vibe each day
- Something for the mind (podcast, journalling, meditation, music etc),
- Something for the movement (use public transport, ride to work, stroll to the cafe in the morning or a beach walk) and
- Something for food (hydrate, saturate, oxygenate).
I call this our #empowerhour . If we can win our mornings, we can win our day.
From here if you can find that sense of ikigai, direction or that sense of purpose, do what you love, do something that the world needs to do. Something the world's willing to pay you for and something you are naturally good at (skilled). Then you can start to tune into something really, really powerful. And, I guess that's the simplicity of what SelfCare and the lifestyle medicine revolution is all about. Win your morning, win your day. Have a sense of purpose and direction. Build by 1% a day. Easy. In 12 months you will be 37x ahead of where you started and at least heading true north.
Kaz: (24:58) Radical Self Responsibility
Beautiful, great. So much symbolism. I can tell just naturally flows from your heart. The simplicity of self-care: nourish mind, body. food... Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
I heard a few times also you talked about self responsibility. Is it like taking your power back and not blaming the external circumstances? By taking your power back, you then get to create the solution. I find that one of the most beautiful things with self care is that we get to nurture and nourish our soul, that you can respond to whatever comes your way. And then you don't put the blame on anyone else. Cause we are the problem and the solution, right? Its being in a high vibing state to be able to handle any change, conflict, whatever comes our way.
Rory: (26:00) Driver or the Passenger?
Agreed. You just touched on something that I'm really passionate about. And it's just the concept of whether we are the driver, the passenger of our human experience.
Steve jobs shared that we get taught to think the world is just the way it is. We're just bashing the walls, trying not to annoy too many people on the way, but it becomes a point where we realize that the world around us is made up, by people like you and me. Where we create a mental construct of life and then build it in reality.
After the second world war, there was an industrial revolution. There was a need for certain jobs. There's a need for people to be in cubicles for mass production. So on and so forth.
When the sixties and seventies came along, there was this love and psychedelics and, getting away from our linear concrete brain and getting back to being feeling beings that think rather than thinking beings that feel. Back to our hearts. I feel like we need this again.
Today, we have too much technology and not enough heart.
Human beings are not linear algorithms. Too much technology leads to apathy and declining mental health. So we need to change this and reconnect with ourselves, each other and nature.
Rory : (26:40) Questions for self
Today, we all of a sudden we got busy, again, with this technological revolution. Everyone's talking about singularity and how technology is going to change the world. But now we're finding the technologies become something that's actually creating more isolation and more mental health issues.
Even in this moment, there's duality to that because we're using technology to actually promote connection, to share a message, to be really inspiring. So it's such a beautiful, beautiful little context. But I guess the key question is to really ask yourself;
- Are you being the driver or the passenger in your own unique human experience?
- Are you doing what you actually feel is right?
- Are you doing the thing that you've always wanted to do?
- Are you go to bed at night, wishing for a different life?
It's ok to start questioning yourself. Am I really just doing what my parents or society unconsciously consciously told me to do? Or am i really choosing my human experience.
Am I being the director and actor in my own life play? Or just a character in someone else's script? Living a version of myself, that i never truly was born to be.
Rory : (27:19) Live outside our comfort zone
Am I just doing what society said was okay? It's like, as soon as you step outside of those accepted norms or lines. We are all of a sudden challenged.
So we avoid conflict and stay in comfort. A place where nothing grows. Right?
Whereas my mom, when I was younger, she said, Rors, you can draw outside the lines if you want to. If you want to colour that bear in to be purple, it can be purple. You want to give a wings, give a wings.
So I got permission to draw outside the lines to get uncomfortable, to play in the unknown from a young age. And if anyone's listening and you need that permission. Give yourself the permission slip. Now you have permission to feel the way that you deserve to feel. You deserve to be nourished. You deserve to be able to make decisions that change your life.
And the sooner you realize that only 5-20% of who we are is determined by our genes, our "luck" of birthright and the social/cultural context in which we were born into. We start to be empowered knowing that the other 80- 95% of who we are is within our control and our daily choices.
Rory: (28:01) Trust Yourself
Oh man, when you get that, when you really get that, it's like Deepak Chopra and and Dr. Rudy Tanzi from isuper genes shared.
"You then become the author of your biological story".
So after you leave this call cast a future vision for the next 12 months, for the type of ideal day or lifestyle you wish to live. Start to script
- the type of person you were born to be,
- the type of people you want to connect yourself with,
- the type of abundance you want to attract and circulate and share.
And all of a sudden you can start to be the actor in your own life script and your own biological story. And only then... do things start to shift and change.
You start looking for solutions rather than trusting what other people may have told you. We start trusting ourselves.
Now, if you calibrate your internal compass, lead from the heart, and chase feelings, not just things. Then we align on a deeper level with our vision. We align our values, develop our character and some integrity. Things that help us decide whether to go left to right when we are uncertain. Once we have a clear vision "north star" and an aligned internal compass. Navigating the unknown becomes a little easier. We start to trust our intuition and heart.
Rory: (28:59) Mentors that show us where to look
If you can find a mentor or someone that's walking in the same direction. You can just hold hands for a little bit and they'll take you as far as they can go. And then you might find someone else to take you beyond where they've gone. And It's okay to move from one mentor to the other. It's actually necessary.
Like rivers we all have our own unique paths, but end up in the same end source. The sea.
Kaz: (29:13) Reflections
Heart spaced leadership, aligning with your values, focusing on your vision and bringing that to life. This is so, so, so important to call in everything we desire and I would love to lean into relationships and know what do you like because you've been in Bali, been single and then you have manifested this beautiful, loving relationship I've met your partner. Tell us some things that helped you step into that powerful relationship.
Rory: (29:49) Connections
Well, I think the best thing Is that Iv'e had many beautiful relationships. A five year relationship with beautiful, a lady called Steph and we just kind of grew apart. She was going in one direction, buying a house and getting a job she loved. I wanted to travel explore and chase freedom. We had a high five and carry on.
I got to a point where I got really busy. I built this online business that had a lot of people to manage and created a lot of stress in my life, but a lot of abundance too. And I felt the need to kind of like disconnect temporarily. So I moved down to the Southwest and met this beautiful partner Chelsey and we lived down there for about three and a half years or three years. I reconnected with nature. I was surfing on beaches with no one around.
But then I realized that that wasn't my calling. I just didn't have the nourishing conversations, entrepreneurs to feed off, the innovators and the futurists that I needed.
However, every time I went to Bali, I did. So then all of a sudden I tuned into this and asked :where do I feel the best? Where do I feel the most nourished and myself. We had to high five and carry on with our lives as well. We grew apart again, same story, right? So she wanted to settle down and get the house, white picket fence and a job she loved. And I' still desired the freedom to travel, explore and be a true global citizen.
So I came to Bali and realised I've been in relationships for 10 years and I'll be the first to admit, I just had fun for a year and geld space before entertaining anything else. It's important to have time alone.
Rory: (31:05) Self Permission Slip
I gave myself permission to do and be whatever I wanted to. Without judgment, comparison or whatever, just have fun. So, I gave myself permission to just be single for a year. And I said to myself, don't jump into anything too soon.
In this experience I fell into connections that were vortexes. I jumped into connections that were really freaking beautiful and just the right thing at the wrong time. And it was, it was interesting because each of these things kind of taught me a little bit about the type of person that I was, what I was attracting and who I was looking for. And something that became really clear in this process is that I cast a vision and scripted the type of person that I would like to be and the type of partner I would like to spend my time with. I remember the title was "when you meet her, you will feel it and you will know"
Rory (31:51) Notice traits
So I started listing down the traits and characteristics of the type of person.
- She was someone that could buy a one way ticket to travel beyond her comfort zone.
- They could travel somewhere by themselves.
- They were courageous enough to talk to strangers, to connect, to meet people.
- The way they treated other people, animals and nature was key for me
- The way they would give, share and circulate without prompting.
- They had experienced some pain and worked through it with a light heart
- They had an internal drive, passion and direction.
- With a love to support others along the way too
Now I didn't know. That these would be the things, but it just represented all the values, the embodiment of the people I had enjoyed sharing moments with.
Rory (32:25) Character is who we truly are ..
I wrote down this list of free hand. And I probably wrote about 40 or 50 characteristics of the type of person. And then one day she just showed up, I felt it and I knew. It wasn't the first person I met either, it was the second one. The first connection was good, until one day it wasn't. That was my first bad break up. I guess because it really meant something to me, but not to the other.
Speaker 2: (34:31) Be the vibe you want to attract
It's all a journey and I'm detached to what happens next. I guess thats the human experience. Now I've found my alignment in between. I think these stories give people permission to just run their own race. And if you find that you want to attract someone into your life, then just commit to being the best version of yourself for 12 months or 24 months, whatever it needs. And then script the version of the type of person you want to be and who you need to be to attract that type of person. As an example someone who values health, won't be at the pub every friday night. If you want to meet people who surf, go surfing. If you love animals, spend time with animals. It's highly likely that you will meet people with similar passions, hearts, values and character traits. The key point is do what you love and be that vibe first. You will attract everything from there.
Kaz: (35:00) Hold it for ourselves first
I agree be the person you want to attract, like those traits that you're looking for in another, see how you can become that for ourselves first. If you want someone fit and healthy. Am I being fit and healthy. Am I up-leveling my mindset? And I think you mentioned as well, it's like accepting all parts ourselves in the process. Our shadows, insecurities, past traumas our dark and light. And when we have that self love, compassion and acceptance, then we can actually hold that for another person.
Rory: (35:30) Pain and desperation is our best teacher
Oh, absolutely. And just being honest with that. I feel the shadow is self is, is a beautiful part of the journey. The pain and desperation taught me more than the inspiration.
Those moments of pain and desperation pivoted me. I was heading the wrong way, say West and these moments pivoted me back to my true North. To. be really aligned me with my vision again.
Kaz: (36:10) Tips for the audeince?
I could talk to you for hours on all of this is. I love your emotional awareness or whatever you want to call it, experience.
Do you have any tips for our audience on this journey of up-leveling their abundance mindset? You have had a high paying job. You've worked for yourself, you've experienced many different things. And this is a huge thing to unpack, but do you have any tips for people on stepping into their abundance now?
Rory (36:51) Tips for abundance
Yeah, I think definitely the first thing is
- Script the type of lifestyle that you want to live. You'll soon realize how much money you need or how much resources you need to live that life.
For me is just energy. It's just a coin. Money is just a form of transaction that we mentally constructed, right? Different countries have different forms of transaction. Blockchain is a different form of transaction. I trade time. We're trading time right now. This is my most valuable resource, but I'll show up for people who want to help share this message. In the hope that it simply impacts one more person.
From here, I was like, well, what do I need personally, in terms of money, energy, resources, to live that lifestyle. In Bali it's only 500 bucks a week, that's it. So once I decided what my ideal lifestyle was going to be, finding the resource sto live it was easier than what I had previously been doing. If you have a family or a different ideal lifestyle in your heart (not mind). It requires a different amount of resources. Personally, simplicity is mastery for me. I don't need things, I want to create as many meaningful experiences as I can. Most of it is free too. Like connection, moments in nature, surfing, helping others. All of it is fulfilling for me.
Rory: (37:36) Abundance and overflow
So then anything I created or attracted beyond that, any side income, multiple streams of income. Allowing for receptivity. Allowing it to flow and channel through me then becomes abundance.
Being able to self fund my own passion projects.. Like the self care book and ecosystem. Meant I never had to give up the vision for the platform and ecosystem. Because, i had enough money and resources to bring it to life.
Jeff Bezos reminded me to be able to do this for as long I can, before I call other people in, This way anyone can launch something with the integrity and heart that it started with. Without money being a factor.
It allows for patience and flow. The vision can distill and percolate and become what it is truly meant to be. As an example I've rewritten the self care book three times because it wasn't ready. The world wasn't ready. Having abundance enabled me to hold space for 7 years until the end of the pandemic, when people were finally ready to hear the message. That they have never needed to be fixed and connection is the elixir to longevity. This message resonates a lot more after 2 years of isolation and disconnection. Being held ransom to a passive intervention.
Kaz (38:14) What's it like to spend 7 years writing a book
Tell us about that.
Rory: (38:20) Hardest project of my life
Yeah. It's been the most, most challenging project of my life.
I work with the entrepreneurs resorts and host retreats for people looking to bring heir visions into reality. It's tough. I got to look under the bonnet of all these amazing businesses, some turning over 50 million in revenue, some startups, some people with higher paying jobs, wanting to transition to online health coaches and stuff like that.
And, everyone wants to write a book, but it's not about the book. The book is just a curation of consciousness. All the things that I wanted to share in a simplistic framework that a six year old can understand.
When its simple, we understand it and we can give it to the world
It becomes like the four hour work week. That sat on my table for years. I never read it, but it just reminded me of what I already knew to be true. I could free my time , free my location, delegate and work to live a legacy. Not just leave one.
I knew that I could work a four hour workweek and what it meant in my mind was that I could spend four hours working, but I could spend the other a hundred hours doing something that I love and creating abundance. So it had different meaning for me, than it might for someone else. Right?
The process of writing a book isa journey.
I nearly failed English literature. If anyone reads my posts on Facebook, my grammar is horrendous. I've even got Grammarly, but it doesn't always help. I probably should get better at that, but the point is, is like, it's a process.
If I showed you the first website that I put up, it was terrible.
If I showed you the first edition of the book, it was complex and all over he place. Messy. But it has to start somewhere, then it refines over time.
Speaker 2: (39:47)
During the journey, I eventually figured out that I wrote this book for my mom, but the one person that I could not help, the lady that had always served from an empty cup in a monetary sense, but she served from unconditional love and overflow simultaneously.
It became a really cathartic process for me. Ultimately I was writing it for myself first. We all teach what we most need to learn ourselves. I was a burnt out health professional .It started by building awareness and knowledge outside of what western medciine traditionally taught me. Then it clicked and became a book.
One day something shifted and it was no longer about me anymore. I started to ask: what's in it for them? So I started framing that. And then the third rewrite began
- version 1 - the messy download, and writing it for myself
- version 2 - Writing it for the health professionals, added "all the evidence" to prepare myself for the future scrutiny.
- Version 3 - Writing it "for them", for my mum, friends and family. Added more stories and metpahors, rather than just science and facts. Bypass the head by hitting the heart. Focused on how it would leave people feeling.
- Version 4 - Simplicity is mastery. Adding pictures and refining the message so that a 6 year old could understand it.
Rory (40:28) Stories over science and facts
I realised that not everyone relates to the evidence and the facts. So I added in stories, metaphors and analogies in a way that people wouldn't even know that things are shifting in the chemical biology of their brain.
Stories bypass the brain and hit the heart
An example is the flower analogy that people can relate to. They read it and realise "Oh, I don't need to be fixed. I just need to be nourished." And it's like, boom, they take that away. And it changes their entire life. It changes the trajectory of what they're looking for. What solutions they're seeking. They're no longer seeking gurus and experts and all these expensive courses. They're like, well, I've got this innate wisdom. I just need to be reminded. I need mentors to show me where to look, but don't tell me what to see. I need communities that support me on that journey and I can change environment and proximity at any stage, until it all feels right. When its right, it flows. Flowers naturally blossom and bloom in the right environments, as do people.
Rory: (41:04) Future we are proud of
As we move up the health spectrum together, as we learn to thrive together as one creating these blue zone communities and intergenerational ripple effects. Co-creating a world that we hand over to future kids or nephews or nieces. Something that we are proud to say that as part it. Thats what its all about for me.
In this moment, if I had kids, I'm not proud of bringing them into this world
We live in abundance, but a lot of us are choosing to be in scarcity. We've got systems for scarcity. We've had the GFC in 2008, a global financial crisis. Where the books were balanced on the backs of the working people.
Today, we have a beautiful opportunity to just to reassess and reevaluate our direction together
Speaker 2: (41:45) Karma is real.
My friends have projected that I moved to a less developed country to take advantage of it. I moved here to be nourished. I've learned more from the Balinese culture than i've my home country. And I want to give, share and circulate as a result. Karma is real here. It's a belief, not just a theory. Its a way of living, being and treating each other. It feels nice. There is more abundance here, than I have seen in the so called developed countries. It's founded in nature and community, not money. Money is a bonus.
Even in this suffering. There's a lot of people around here finding ways to share and circulate resources, whether it's food, whether it's money, time or networks. And I think that's, that's what the book is about. We need to flip from passive healthcare to selfcare. Supported by enabling environments and supportive communities. It's a WE game, not just a ME game. We were never meant to go this journey alone.
I feel like we forgot that it took a village or community to raise us as children. It will take a community to heal the sickness in the world and find harmony again.
Kaz (42:12) Community, community, community
Yes. I love that. And you are really big on community. I did start a podcast a couple of years ago, the high vibe tribe, because I believe that connection is core to elevation. It was just one of the pillars. Proximity is power. Like you mentioned before. If we hang around low vibing people, we develop the traits and the energy too. Which impacts what we attract into our lives.
Kaz (42:51). So where can we find you?
So where can we find you? How can we serve you? Like, how can we buy your book? How can we connect with you deeper?
If you take the time to message me, I'll do my best to take the time to give you a human connection back.
Kaz: (43:37) Final Message?
Beautiful. And I'll leave those links in the show notes. Is there any last message you'd love to leave with our courageous leaders tribe?
Rory: (43:48) Selfcare is not selfish
The one message would be
that self care is not about being selfish. It's actually the most selfless thing you can do
To put yourself in your own schedule, put yourself in your own diary and to really tune into some rituals that make you feel like you're in your highest vibration is the best thing we can do for others.
When we operate from that space, that's where we can really have an impact.
- When I became the best version of myself is when I attracted all this abundance,
- When I put my health first, all of a sudden I attracted all these opportunities that were in plain sight all along.
Be okay with putting yourself first and be okay to serve at any moment.
If you can even watch this podcast, you are be part of the 8% of the world that has access to this. It's such a big picture when we zoom out.
The human and the nature connection is what it's all about. Thank you so much for having me and I look forward to chatting with anyone.
Kaz: (44:49) The best compliment in the world
Thank you. You're a star. I really love your heart. It's all about service and contribution and fun. So have an amazing day. Thanks, Rory.