Finding Your North Star: How Values Assessment Can Transform Your Unfulfilled Life

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." Mahatma Gandhi

When Your Actions Don't Match Your Words: The Hidden Cause of Your Burnout

Have you ever noticed that strange disconnect between what people say matters to them and how they actually spend their time and energy? I see it constantly in my work - successful professionals claiming family comes first while missing dinner for the fifth time that week, wellness advocates who never make time for their own health, or creatives who talk about their passion projects but haven't touched them in months.

This gap isn't just common—it's epidemic. And it's silently fueling much of the burnout, disconnection, and emptiness so many of us experience today.

What fascinates me is how we can be so blind to this misalignment in our own lives. We genuinely believe we value certain things, yet our daily behaviors tell a completely different story. And our bodies and minds are keeping score, sending increasingly urgent signals of distress through fatigue, restlessness, and that persistent feeling that something essential is missing.

Would you be surprised to learn that this misalignment between what we say matters to us and where we actually invest our time and energy is the hidden driver behind much of today's epidemic of burnout and purposelessness?

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The 3 Major Challenges We're Here to Solve Together

1. The Compass vs. Clock Challenge: Most of us navigate life by the external clock (deadlines, expectations, social norms) rather than our internal compass (values, purpose, meaning), leaving us fundamentally disconnected from our authentic path.
2. The Words vs. Actions Divide: We say we value family, health, or creativity, but our daily behaviors tell a different story—creating internal conflict that drains our energy and leaves us feeling like impostors in our own lives.
3. The Chaos vs. Clarity Problem: Without understanding what truly matters most to us, we drift without direction, making decisions based on others' priorities and feeling increasingly unfulfilled and purposeless.

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The SelfCare Framework: Learn-Do-Embody-Teach

1. LEARN: Why Your Values Matter More Than You Think

What if I told you that the key to ending your exhaustion and disconnection isn't another productivity hack or self-care ritual, but something much more fundamental?

Your underlying private voids drive your overlying public values. The things you say matter to you are often compensations for what you feel you lack, rather than authentic expressions of what truly moves you.

Dr. John Demartini, one of the most trusted sources of human behavioral change, has developed a Value Determination Process that cuts through the noise and reveals your true priorities. This isn't about what you think should matter—it's about what actually drives your behaviors, shapes your choices, and determines where your energy naturally flows.

The more important a value is, the higher it sits on your hierarchy of values and the more discipline and order you naturally bring to it. This isn't about willpower—it's about alignment.

On a personal note, this process was integral for me in staying the course through seven years of building the SelfCare project from just an idea. It helped me navigate pandemics, breakups, financial stress, and everything else life threw my way—not by forcing myself to stay motivated, but by ensuring my work was aligned with what naturally energized me.

2. DO: Take Your Internal Compass Assessment

Here's where theory meets practice. The Value Determination Process isn't complicated, but it is revealing—often uncomfortably so.

Would you be willing to spend just 15 minutes discovering what truly drives you?

This assessment doesn't tell you what your values should be. Instead, it reveals what they actually are, based on how you currently allocate your time, energy, attention, and resources. It's a mirror reflecting back your true priorities, not an instruction manual telling you what to care about.

The process looks at:

• Where you spend your money
• How you organize your space
• What you consistently think about
• Where you demonstrate the most discipline
• What you visualize for your future

May I ask—what might change in your life if your daily actions were completely aligned with what matters most to you?

3. EMBODY: Aligning Your Words, Actions & Environment

Here's where this work becomes transformative. Once you understand your authentic values hierarchy, you can begin the process of alignment—bringing your words, actions, and environment into harmony with your internal compass.

As Buddha wisely observed, "Watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

Most of us experience the exhaustion of misalignment—saying family matters most while working 80-hour weeks, claiming to value adventure while never taking spontaneous trips, insisting health is important while neglecting basic self-care.

This disconnect isn't just mentally draining—it's physically depleting. Your body knows when you're living out of alignment, and it will continue sending increasingly urgent signals of distress until you listen.

Patterns of behavior are the truest expressions of our internal values—not our words or intentions. When you align your behavior with your authentic values, you tap into a natural source of energy and motivation that requires far less willpower to maintain.

We chose Dr. John Demartini's Value Determination Process to help Uncover Your Highest Priorities "values".

4. TEACH: Share Your Authentic Path With Others

The greatest gift you can offer those around you is the example of someone living in alignment with their values. Not perfectly, but authentically.

When you begin making choices from this aligned place, you naturally inspire others to question where they might be living according to scripts that don't serve them.

This isn't about imposing your values on others—it's about demonstrating what becomes possible when you honor your unique internal compass.

Would you be open to sharing your discoveries with someone else who might be struggling with burnout or purposelessness? Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is normalize the journey of discovering our authentic values.

Your Next Step: From Disconnection to Direction

Here's where you can start today:

1. Take the Values Assessment (it's free and takes only 15 minutes)
2. Look for the alignment gaps between your stated values and your actual behaviors
3. Make one small change to bring your daily actions into better alignment with what truly matters to you

The journey from disconnection to direction begins with clarity—seeing clearly what actually drives you, not what you think should drive you or what others expect to drive you.

Ready to discover your authentic internal compass and begin making choices that align with your deepest values?

Join our SelfCare Community to share your journey with others who understand that connection is medicine too. Discover the complete system in the SelfCare Book

Key Research References:

• Demartini, J. (2022). The Values Factor: The Secret to Creating an Inspired and Fulfilling Life. Hay House.
• Duhigg, C. (2014). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life and In Business. Random House.
• Chance, J. (2020). 7 Ways to Align Your Words & Actions to Achieve Results. Leadership Development Journal, 35(2), 89-103.
• Gandhi, M. (1948). Non-violence in Peace and War. Navajivan Publishing House.

REFERENCES

This is directly referenced from the Amazon best-selling SelfCare Book "Lifestyle Medicine For the People" by Rory Callaghan. If you would like to read more content like this, grab the free online chapters of the book or a hard copy .

We have done our best to reference everyone's expert opinions, peer-reviewed science, and original thoughts, all references available here and referenced in the text.

We also understand that most thoughts are not our own and there is a collective unconsciousness, unconsciousness, and universal mind stream of energy that is always at work. How our references are sorted and filtered is here.

This article is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before beginning any new health regimen.